How many times have you made a different decision to the one that you truly, deep down want because you felt that choice could reflect on your character?
This week, I’m tapping into some stoic wisdom to make sense of my wildly oscillating levels of self-judgement - and judgement of others who make overly complicated coffee orders. It’s profound stuff.
Let’s start with a ‘know thyself’ gem from Greek philosopher and all-round good guy, Epictetus:
“First tell yourself what kind of person you want to be, then do what you have to do. For in nearly every pursuit we see this to be the case.” Epictetus, Discourses 3.23
I’m not immune to ordering a drink that aligns with who I want to be rather than what I want to drink - as ridiculous and snobbish as it sounds when you read that aloud.
Aligning your actions and sense of self with the identity you chose is supposed to be freeing, right? But when your true, frothy coffee-loving self challenges that goal identity, everyday decisions become a minefield - I’m often torn between who I ‘want to be’ and what I truly want to have.
Looking at this kind of age-old philosophy, it’s easy to see where modern authors like James Clear (who I’ve mentioned previously) get their ideas from.
Perception is reality, people. Even when it comes to the small stuff. Perhaps why I’m compelled to self sabotage every coffee order I’ve ever made.*
Disclaimer: I did know a total sophisticat who just drank nothing but hot Ribena at University, and reminding myself of that often brings me superior levels of comfort.
*Complete permission given here to order a glorified milkshake whenever you want - and to enjoy it
Radical Objectivity and hot drinks
Now, if we distil it to it’s finer parts (‘cuse pun) and look objectively at this coffee ordering, we’re just inferring meaning onto a drink and it’s completely ridiculous how much social currency we invest in that.
Marcus Aurelius made radical objectivity popular in his Meditations. It’s a useful way to frame the stuff we buy beyond the covetable ‘currency’ it may have come (through marketing spend) to embody.
This piece from the Modern Stoic sums it up really both how trivial and complex our relationship with ‘black gold’ can be:
“Single batch, artisan, or gourmet coffee is hot bean juice.”
No shit. Marketing speak works. Social capital is real. Let’s accept that. It’s why things get complicated if we realise that we secretly like the smell of a Yankee candle.
I mean hell, just buy me a (black) coffee and let’s chat plug-ins vs. Aesop Post-Poo Drops.
(Contradictory) Jewellery update
Referring back to the Modern Stoic piece. It mentions that ancient Roman philosopher and statesman, Seneca, tutored the self-destructive Roman emperor, Nero. Prophetically, Seneca warned Nero:
“Slavery resides under marble and gold.”
That’s why I’m semi-frustrated that bits of hardware are still passing the lockdown test for me.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate (but objectively) the joyous Maria Black friend charm, caramella violet earrings (as a pair) and como violet earring (single) which are winging their way to me right now.
Sale’s on until tomorrow if you’re interested.
Striving for balance
Clearly, I’m still working on both how to best enjoy coffee and cut back on the ol’ material goods. And I’m turning to Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Stoic again to reign it the fuck in.
“So, concerning the things we pursue, and for which we vigorously exert ourselves, we owe this consideration - either there is nothing useful in them, or most aren’t useful. We don’t discern them and see them as free when they cost us dearly.” Seneca, Moral Letters 42.6
Need to check in here and remind myself that everything I’ve accumulated has an additional cost - even if that’s only in storage space at home, and in my mind.
I’m often surprised by how much I’ve been ‘paying’ without even knowing it.
Luckily, earrings are small.